Cartoon of the Day

Oh Sh*t!

I remember dem days at primary school when yuh used to go in de toilet and de floors, de walls and de toilet – Oh lawd a mercy! Dem children de terrible man. But thank God UG people ain stay suh. We’re very decent and hygiene conscious individuals.

Das why I wan know if is too much to ask of Admin to jus put a roll a toilet paper in dem toilet. I mean is bad enough yuh don’t got soap fuh wash yuh hand when yuh dun, but is even mo embarrassing and uncomfortable to say the least, when yuh ga belly wuk and rushin fuh ease yuh bowels only fuh realize dat de main got no paper. Rite away yuh ga revert back to yuh primary school habits an tear out one a yuh leaflets dem from yuh notebook. Sometimes is de last page in yuh ga sacrifice an all. Den when you go to class yuh ga beg fuh a extra page fuh write pun.

Some people don even ga no leaflet all, an den is when yuh intuition ga step in---sacrifice yuh one side socks or yuh rag, or in extreme cases, yuh mite ga go commando an toss yuh underwear. All dis while yuh gotta be simultaneously peepin around de corner an hopin dat nobody ain accidentally walk in an ketch yuh dutty backside (cause dem blasted door don lock)….And lemme tell you, da ain’t no pleasant or desirable experience, for either party (unless you really twisted in de mind or sumtin).

But seriously, dem ting cud be right man?! NO!!! is SHIT!!---literally. At least ga lil standards nah UG…lil etiquette an ting man. Is real eyepass when ya’ll subject people to dis kina crap, (no pun intended). I sure Admin and de UGSS president got fresh rolls in dey self-contained offices. Dey probably don even ga wipe deyself. But we ain interested in all duh. All we want is some paper---toilet paper mind you, and maybe some soap every now and again.

Is that really too much to ask? I certainly hope not! Else we gon ga resort to more creative measures, like my photoGRAPHIC example above. However, I trust it ain ga come to duh though, but maybe then ya’ll gon really get de message...

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

Cartoon of the Day

Woof!

It seem as though dem dog tekkin dey education mo seriously dan we people nowadays. Nuffa deze campus critters getting bold enough now fuh actually walk into dem classroom and sit down. De oda day one a dem sit down attentively in GWLT listenin to de lecture—it wuz most intriguing. I bet summa dem duz understand and cud read and write better dan we yuh know. I mean it may seem as though they’re only passive observers, but I wan believe dat dem same dog tekkin in dey education right at UG. Free of charge tuh! And if current trends continue, I see dogs formally attending the university by the year 2012 (daz when dey predict de world gon end, but don’t bother wit dem).

Dem dog up to sumtin other dan jus bein eyesores and toppling bins. They have an intelligent purpose…ya’ll eva see da movie Cats & Dogs? Well after da movie I stop underestimatin dem canine. Dey operations mo slick dan we own. Also, if my predictions are correct, by the year 2015, UG should be welcoming its first canine professor and/or UGSS president into the ranks. Dis may sound a bit farfetched, but if people cud vote fuh a paccoo, why not a dog? Watch an see..

Ya’ll tink dey jus deh bout fuh de sake a deh-in-deh na? By the year 2020, UG mite very well become a canine institution, and we gon be de ones crawlin around de campus and eatin outa dem bins. Watch yuh guh see. Da more we keep turnin a blind eye to dis situation, de sooner we gon be faced wid a serious insurrection on our hands.

UG watch out! cuz in a few short years your history and legacy might be gone---to the DOGS! (literally)

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

Cartoon of the Day

Reading: The Key to Success

I was goin through the UG website the other day (don’t ask me why), and I stumbled across this piece of literature under the “Library” tab…

Mission Statement
“The University of Guyana Library will strive to support the teaching and research activities of the University. It will provide the necessary human resources and Information and Communications Technology (ICT) to meet the requirements of the electronic age[…].”

I mean seriously? Deze people fuh real? Somebody PLEASE show me the electronic needs that UG library caters to. Show me the electronic database through which we can access our material instead of running around dem dusty aisles to find cobwebbed books from the 18^thcentury. Dey got sum nerve puttin dat stuff up on dey website. (smh)

Infrastructure technology involves issues such as networking, online information sources and labour saving equipment to reduce the cost of moving and managing books. Dem books in deh look like dey tired of livin…summa dem wishin dey cud commit suicide. Can’t blame dem though. Not a bit. They’ve outlived their purpose, but wuh? We still ga keep dem, cuz rite now, we can’t do better. And why we can’t do better? Cuz we don’t want to do better.

Any government that cares about the future of their people wud invest heavily in their education. We, unfortunately, are not privileged to have such in the sector. Instead what we have are a pack of egotistical, shady, inconsiderate punks who sit on their royal thrones, throw OUR money around and dictate our lives. It’s what they call a “Democracy.”

I gon jus take comfort in de assumption dat da mission statement got some serious “typographical errors.” This is what it is actually supposed to say:

Mission Statement
“The University of Guyana Library will strive, but not too hard, to support the teaching and research activities of the University. It will, hopefully by the next millennium, provide the necessary human resources and Information and Communications Technology (ICT) to meet the requirements of the electronic age […].”

P.S. I think the library would be an excellent place for paleontological research. We got material in deh mo old dan dem dinosaurs. I bet yuh they don’t know da…

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

Joke of the Day

How hell froze over

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.
Saint Pete was furious.
"If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."

After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.

Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.

A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.

UG on TOP...(well not literally)

As the saying goes, "A picture tells a thousand words..."

Congrats UG! (it's actually better than I expected)...how many universities exist around the world again? 5,340? lol

The link is attached if you guys wanna take a look for yourself.

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

http://www.4icu.org/reviews/1911.htm

Dear Editor

We are still a developing country, and unfortunately, our job economy is very poor. Countless numbers of persons are rendered jobless each year. Another shocking truth is that among the unemployed, are staggering numbers of university graduates, many of whom graduate with very high grade point averages. Also, there is the strain of the added competition for jobs by new graduates each year, coupled with those from previous years. This is truly a sad scenario. Of course, our youths deserve better, but before this situation improves, the quality of the University of Guyana education and administration must be enhanced also.

For too long, the University of Guyana, the premier tertiary education provider in this country has been in a slack and dilapidated state. There is little respect for this institution in Guyana and in other countries. In fact, even students realize the shortcomings of the university, and employers are usually hesitant and sceptical about the quality of graduates. The saddest truth is that English is our standard language, and many of these graduates cannot even speak and write the English language in a decent way. How much lower can any university fall when it fails to provide its students with basic, necessary, everyday skills to survive and compete in the job market. This is truly a point to note, as this most common concern of employers cannot be ignored.

Further, are there any appropriate statistics course in the social sciences curriculum of this university? The very shameful answer here is ‘no.’ Do we not realize how fundamental the understanding of research methodology is to an individual’s intellectual development? And what exactly is the criterion that has to be met in order to become employed as a lecturer of the University of Guyana? How many first degree only lecturers do we have at UG? How many fully accomplished professors do we have in relation to the number of students formally registered?

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, meaning that even if everything you have is snatched or stolen from you, no one can ever take your education from you. What education?! Our youths are being robbed every time they sit in a classroom and listen to notes from twenty years ago that are just about obsolete today. They invest hard-earned money to pay for transportation to UG to write a test based on those outdated notes. They endure the lengthy and time-consuming (dare I say draining) registration process, and pay their tuition to the University of Guyana in order to input, process and regurgitate ineffective material. How can UG cater to the changing needs of this changing society, when these very basic changes are not being effected? It is simply erroneous that this continues to happen.

Yours faithfully,
Rachael Bakker

(exerpt from Stabroek News - Nov. 4, 2010)

All I ga fuh add is...Nuff said!

Thank you Rachel.

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

Joke of the Day

Old vs. Young!

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.

The boy's hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes.
The old man just stared at him.

The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The old man answered, "Well yes, actually I have. I once got drunk and screwed a parrot...
I was just wondering if you were my son!"

Brain Empty

Cheddi Jagan Int'l

I dono why people duz still call it “brain drain” cuz da amount a drainin we had ova de years we brain supposed to be EmpTy by now. Trust me, if de drainage around Georgetown wuz even quarter de amout a de brain drain dat we’ve experienced, 2005 wudda bin disaster free, an we wud have No reason to worry every time we see rain clouds.

However…

“In December 2009 University of Guyana’s best graduating student Loria-Mae Heywood in her valedictory address called on the government to do more to create an enabling environment to stem the relentless brain drain of university graduates.

A year later she is still unemployed after having failed to secure a job since being awarded the President’s Medal for her academic achievement. It is not what she expected.”

(excerpt from the Stabroek News – Sunday, Nov 11,2010).

Now show me de silver lining in da dark f**kin cloud! “BEST GRADUATING STUDENT” after a YEAR can‘t get a wuk no way after sending out 41 applications. FORTY ONE budday! Geez! So is wa kina hope ya'll offerin we who graduate as "average" students? I don wan even imagine...and den dem gon get de nerve fuh aks why people leavin Guyana. De frickin slavery yuh ga go tru at UG fuh get a “Degree,” and fuh wuh? Fuh earn de equivalent of a McDonalds cashier salary? Das why nuff Guyanese optin fuh skip UG, migrate and wuk at McDonalds and the like. They rather not waste four years a dey life fuh still gat to migrate and go wuk deh! lol

An den tuh, after all dem years of slavery, yuh got BIG debt fuh payback to de government, (well we loan people at least cause we poor). Now tell me how in burning HeLL!?!? people gon payback any money when dem ain even gettin wuk? And even dem one who gat wuk, still strugglin cause de salary too lil bit fuh dey even start thinkin bout payin back UG. Is sad but is true. Dis country is makin it most difficult fuh people who truly want to serve it----and is even sadder dat is de foreigners who seein de true value in dem, rather dan we who nurture them to that level of value. Das why nuffa ya’ll UG people dun plannin dat when ya’ll get ya’ll diploma and degree an ting, is de first Delta or Caribbean flight outa Guyana ya’ll deh pun. eh? wrong or right?

Nuffa dem so called “patriots,” (a lot of dem I believe were/are actually genuine about their claim), but de system simply KILLED their desire to remain here. De res a dem….well, dey jus faren minded----typical example, our beloved boxer champs who only a few short weeks ago, “absconded” according to reports….on an IN TraNsiT trip through, (not to) the U.S. (talk about desperation)---dem man even lef dey passport behind. LoL! But dey no different from dem who duz go pun dey visitors visa and overstay dey welcome in de people country. People so badly want to get away from dis place dat even backtrack is a more than welcoming prospect.

And you may laugh or criticise or even object, but yuh damn well an know is nah no friggin buLLcrap I talkin!

UG now is jus a grooming ground fuh de outside world, literally----dey feedin we birds in hopes dat we don’t leave de nest, but unfortunately, most of us (quite ungratefully) turn back…spit on dem and keep on soaring (on Delta & Caribbean of course). Is no wonder dat dem developed countries overpopulated and Guyana is de opposite----is we goin an crowd de people country, so much dat the international Guyanese population is greater dan the local population. Yuh doubt me? Check an yuh gon see…

Oh Beautiful Guyana----what the hell happened? Our forefathers must be tossin and turnin in dey graves….

Sigh…

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

Cartoon of the Day

Wherefore art Thou oh Ex-President Man!?

Ey! Is waeva happen to President man? Na de new one man…de former. Yes is Duncan he name…wa happen to de “revolutionary” movements dem? Like he shame fuh show he face on campus now cause he fall from grace…poor kid.

He got an unsuspecting swipe out by an underrated rival and now look….de man get chase out UG. Whether is we chase he or he chase heself I ain know, but according to he twitter page he “feeling very, very anti social,” so like he ain wan cum back to UG---it too depressin. Can’t blame he though, I wuddn’ta wan cum back neither. Jus imagine he ga move round like a layman now. Dem runnins ain easy when you steppin down from royalty---jus ask Mike Tyson.

He hi5 seh dat he in "Port-of-Spain," and he Facebook seh he in G/t suh me ain know…he probably gone to UWI now fuh bid a new campaign run. But if he think we rough, he best know dem Trini ain no easy bridge fuh cross either, an plus he’s na one a dem suh worse yet!

He lef a good legacy though. I remember when he used to seh “power to de people” and “yes we can!” No wait! duh wuz Obama nah?...[well maybe is not exactly duh but sumtin else man]. I admit I never really used to pay attention…but thanks to he we getting free wireless in spicy jus jus now, AND…..a shuttle bus fuh carry we all ova. rite Duncan? I hope yuh listenin. We still expectin yuh fuh mek good on dem promises yuh mek we since las year. And I hope you ain lef dem orders dem fuh pass down to yuh successor, cause he bubblin a lil too much fuh me rite now….

Mr. Constantine aka new President man….We wa we bus and free wireless!!! So STOP hiding in da office playin hansy pansy wit yuh lil rich friends dem! Don't mek we ga cut yuh rope! Cum out an mek yuhself useful fore we ga call back Dunks! GOoD!

Justice for All!

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer

Well Yes, Happy November!

…all BlAcK was a grand success cause hits an jams mek nuff money off ya’ll UG people. YeS! Everybody went an floss dey body, decked out in dey fancy “attire” dat nuffa dem ain even buy! An now de new week/month break and sum people ain got no passage fuh come to campus___well yuh know wuh yuh ga do?

WALK! To campus or Sheriff Street, whichever closer to you …

but on anodda note though, dis year really gone as quick as it come…

…2010 doin some wrap-up work already and jus now is time fuh nuff more drinkin an sportin up an shoppin an hustlin an bustlin an mistletoe an love makin an “cake in de oven bakin!”

YES! I talkin bout Christmas! Guyanese Christmas!!! Ain’t nuttin like it. Today I dun hearin dem cart man blastin de holiday music pun dey set…”cuz all I want for Christmas is you…!” BIG TUNE! Jus now de relatives dem cumin in from de cold, and don’t forget de Christmas barrel dem!…some people dun gone down by de wharf fuh uplift early o’ clock.

I dun know UG got big tings planned fuh de Season tuh. Prezzie gon throw a nice lil Christmas party fuh we by he office deh and share out some nice black cake and ginger beer n ting, (if he know wa good fuh he). And if UG know wa good fuh dem, dey gon close early dis year, cause me ain gon deh in no classroom pun Christmas eve writing no exam! I sorry! Dem an dey stupid semester break wa only apply to some…dey cudda tek da same week an add it on to de Christmas break, but nah!

Anyway…I can’t wait fuh me barrel dem and me remittances, I get nuff shoppin fuh do. Me ain know bout ya’ll but…I gotta feelin, dat dis year’s gonna be a GRAND year…!!!

Cuz Santa Claus is cumin to G/t!!!

Is nah me---is meh mouth!

Lazer

When Darkness Falls...

Well yuh dun know how de ting is go...

when darkness hit GNS ground las Saturday nite de devil party wuz in full swing! An now dat everybody finish wit dey skin up story at de all black, sum now lef in de sauce....dem ga fuh sell deyself now fuh pay back fuh de "borrowed outfits"__like thickness on ma left, (tek it lite deh babes)>>>but it wuz all in good fun nah?

They all got to be cinderella fuh de nite...floss sum false hair, false nails, false jewellery, bhena's & discount shoes and even sum borrowed faces...dem luk alrite though, give dem sum credit. But I feel shame fuh dem UG gyuls man, cause now summa dem lef home, at least fuh de week and not by choice mind you. Nuffa dem get intoxicated, gyrate to de music, get feel up and violated, (like sister on ma right) and de

n go home broke more dan broke back mountain. But as yuh know>>>it wuz all in good fun nah?

Well yuh know when yuh got deze events, sum cross always gaffa mek deyself flagrant! Sum butt hole wit hydro seeds decide fuh thief GDF dem pistol fuh cum

an show off an terrorise people. Lucky nobody geh hurt though cuz de nite, an certainly dis life wudda really end in darkness fuh sumbody.

Nonetheless>>>it wuz all in good fun nah?

Cum to think of it though, de nite did actually end in darkness fuh sumbody, but not at de all black party. However, on his way home from all black, Mr. Robin Ali, according to de waterfall paper, quite unfortunately met up with de grim reaper who took him to another all black party [de one dat don't end]. Indeed a sad note to end on for what wuz supposedly an eerily festive nite. But R.I.P ma brodda...regrettably, for sum, it wuz not ALL in good fun. nah suh?

Is nah me---is meh mouth

Lazer